Helicopter Parents/ Attachment Parents- One in the Same?

The “attachment” in attachment parenting might make you envision having a baby Velcro-ed to your chest for the first two years of your child’s life (Velcro, of course, is just a stand-in for a really cool baby carrier).

But don’t be fooled, that woman with the baby on her back is not a helicopter parent. Au contraire.

The physical contact recommended in attachment parenting, especially carrying your baby in a sling, breast feeding and co-sleeping, are all methods for developing a loving, secure relationship between you and your child. The aim is for your child to develop and grow with confidence.

Helicopter parenting stay close to their children but this creates children with poor self-esteem.

Read below to understand the difference.

How to recognize helicopter parents

Their children have no breathing room. Over-protected, they are suffocated by their parents’ fears and micro-managing.

How is attachment parenting different from helicopter parenting?

You, as a parent, are her pillar of strength when she is a baby. It is your job to teach her what she needs to know so that, one day, she is able to depend on herself.

Attachment parenting demands a lot of close physical contact with your children but this togetherness is not hovering. The physical closeness with your child when she is young is to build her self-confidence so, as she grows, she will be able to go out into the world – independently.

Helicopter parenting does the exact opposite.

By constantly supervising their children, helicopter parents teach their kids that only they (the parents) know how to protect them. Their children grow up dependent on their parents and afraid of the outside world. The constant hovering teaches the children that not only is the world dangerous but that they lack the skills and knowledge to protect themselves from it.

Attachment parenting means you trust your children and yourself: you are confident in your child that she knows what she wants and needs and that you can provide this for her. Your baby’s cues about when she is hungry, tired, cold and lonely direct how you take care of your baby.

Why helicopter parents almost never attachment parent?

Co-sleeping comes from the belief that children sleep better when they are in close proximity to a loving parent. This makes sense, right?

A million years ago, if our ancestors left a human cub alone at night in a tree, they would return to find a few drops of their offspring’s blood and c’est tout. And this would have been a real pity considering the long pregnancy.

Co-sleeping also allows mothers to sleep better. We have been hardwired to protect our children. When they are close to us, we feel calmer.

As a result, helicopter parents might opt for co-sleeping because it means their child is within range for the whole night.

More likely, however, this type of parent will opt for the super-safe crib that has passed strict safety guidelines and an infant monitor. The baby will sleep alone in a different room because this is what the experts and the government recommend.

As for slings, hanging your baby from your chest or back by a piece of cloth is dangerous. How do you know the poor baby won’t somehow roll out and fall to the ground, smashing into a thousand pieces? Plus there have been a couple of cases of a baby suffocating in a sling. Much safer to always put the baby in a carriage.

The helicopter parents I have met were adamantly against co-sleeping and baby wearing because of the dangers. You can’t even mention a home birth in their presence without being shot and even natural childbirth might get you spit at.

Am I making myself clear?

Here’s another example.

When you bottle feed, you can be assured that the formula was tested in medical laboratories. The stickers on the packaging claim that the bottles are free from the lasted chemical additive to have been found to make fish grow two heads. You know just how much your child has ingested. You can weigh, measure, correct, and calculate. Plus, if something goes wrong, you can always sue the formula manufacturer.

Breastfeeding is a leap of faith. It means believing your child knows how much to eat and when. It means putting faith in your body that it knows to produce the right food for your child.For a great blog about helicopter parenting (and how it is messing up America’s youth), visit FreeRange Kids.